You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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