I hate all girls vehemently.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
