Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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