cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
