this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
