I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Your dad touched me again.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
