my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
