I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
did i walk over a car last night?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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