i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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