Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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