What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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