The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
