I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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