he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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