she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
