Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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