There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
