Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
