Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
