guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Bring me that man meat
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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