physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
