did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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