Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
