Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
