brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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