I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
