2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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