i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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