They should really pass out barf bags in church
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
