Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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