Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
