Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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