Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
