i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
