I want to stick my p in your. b.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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