You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
