I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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