"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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