I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
