would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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