worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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