Im at strip club and am horny
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
