My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
