I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
