Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
