This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
