one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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