He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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