Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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