What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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