Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
