I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
