Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
