I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
