Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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