remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
