You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
birth control should be required to get into college
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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