i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
