I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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