I want to have your abortion
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
