Will you blow on my dice?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
