I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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